Tuesday, July 19, 2005

A Horse Intercourse?

Today I read this story. Read it and then read below.

Interesting points:
1) "The county Medical Examiner's Office ruled that the death was accidental and the result of having sex with a horse." Now, it doesn't say exactly what the injuries were. Bones crushed? Hoofed imprints on the torso? Choked on the mane? Torn... things? Maybe the horse was all into it, then the guy brought out the saddle and stirrups and the horse freaked out. (Same thing seems to happen with girls. They say they love you and then don't follow through. Whatever.)

2) "...other people involved..." What? Can't handle a horse all by yourself? I mean, bestiality is one thing, but at least be monogamous about it. Where's your sense of decency?

3) "Deputies don't believe a crime occurred because... the horse was uninjured..." How do they know? Did they do a thorough search? Additionally, what about emotional trauma. I know that nearly every time my sexual partner has died during the act it has affected me. Worst is the time-constrained cuddling (body gets cold and all).

4) "But because investigators found chickens, goats and sheep on the property, they are looking into whether animal cruelty -— which is a crime -— was committed by having sex with these smaller, weaker animals." Sex with a chicken?!
Here's a piece of advice. If you go to KFC or Swiss Chalet, and you find yourself wishing you could have romanced your dinner before you eat it, it is time to seek professional help. I think Tom Cruise knows the history of chicken sex, so you should ask him.

5) "A significant number of people, we believe, have likely visited this farm" What kind of initial meeting is that? So... here for the animal sex? Oh yeah, me too. Did you see that Discovery channel special last night...?
As well, would vegetarians go or reject bestiality on principle? Maybe they have to use fruit and vegetables?

6) "This and a few other cases that we have will allow us a platform to talk about sex abuse of animals," I really didn't know that we needed a platform. I would think, "Hey, no sex with animals" would be enough.

7) "Thirty-three states ban sex with animals." That means 17 states have yet to do so. Wtf?!!?

8) "It's animal cruelty behind closed doors" I agree. But what if it is in an open barn, or field? I don't think we should localize it. (But we should check near the edges of cliffs)

9) Generally, it seems that animal sex is okay, but animal cruelty is not. Who's going to decide what's what? Like, if you romance the horse with some oats and an apple first, does that make it okay. What if you get the sheep drunk first?
Additionally, what if someone changes their mind but the language barrier is an obstacle to communication. I say, "Neigh means Neigh!"

10) Similar to the above point, what if a 'couple' hits it off and the horse wants to go cuddle, but is property of the farm. I know I wouldn't like my girlfriend to be owned by someone else. Maybe we should see ends as ends unto themselves and bestow upon them the human rights and liberties that we all have come to expect and respect.

Lastly, I can understand if it was various non-human primates, but a horse? That's disgusting.

ps: thanks to Mush who keeps abreast of the bestiality literature and sent me the link.


Blogger mush said...

Thanks for crediting me as the source...jackass. Say, was there no mention of jackasses in the article? I hear that they are often found to be quite the gentle lovers.

11:25 PM  
Blogger That which is called Darren said...

I like to give credit where it is due. Additionally, you seem to confirm my statement with your knowledge of gentle loving jackasses.

Lastly, when you say you 'hear that...' do you by way of their soft whispers or do you mean to indicate that you read it somewhere?
I would assume the latter, but, you know, Northern Canada and all.

12:07 AM  

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