Saturday, March 26, 2005

Happy Easter!!!

Apparently this is my 'poor taste Easter post.' I chose to use the above picture to get a laugh from all you sickos out there (and a recoil + nervous laugh from everyone else).

Low humour aside, it is important to remember the significance and beauty of what Easter represents. Over two thousand years ago, there was a very special rabbit, named Jebus, which hopped around and spread the messages of peace and love. Many thought a talking rabbit was a strange trick of the gods, and in a way they were right. A small sect realized that Jebus was actually the offspring of a larger more powerful rabbit, and a human female. While that might seem implausible, ask any 'cultured' woman about 'The Rabbit' and she will dispel your doubts.

Anyway, this small sect valued the teachings of Jebus, mainly a lot of "Eat vegatables, don't kill things (like small animals) and hop to others as you would have them hop to you.” Sadly, some didn't like The Rabbit's teachings (and turds), so they decided to persecute and crucify the poor little bunny. Some say this event was foreshadowed when they had bunny ka-bob at what became Jebus' last supper. Of course he was mildly repulsed, but... it tasted good, so what the heck, eh? Anyway, with Bunny Jebus dead, his little carcass was easily carried to a small hole, flung inside, and a medium sized rock placed on top. The rock was of such magnitude (about the size of a soccer ball), that there was no way BJ could have gotten out (if he were still alive, hypothetically). Then a miracle occurred! 3 days after being flung into the hole, the rock was removed and there was no body! Some say that Bunny Jebus actually ascended up to heaven (lots of lettuce and everyone does the bunny-hop). Other, more cynical types think a fox turned over the rock and dragged the corpse away, stripped the fur and ate him. Those skeptics were told they were stupid, killed if possible and the race of the 'reasoned' didn't make a strong come back for about 1800 years. The legend of Bunny Jebus grew and grew. People wrote books about him, told of his wise teachings. His very name brings joy to so many. Ask most what happens when someone utters the name "BJ." I would think at least half of those you ask will mention the great pleasure that comes to mind.

The point of this whole story is that a rabbit that lived 2000 years ago died and came back as a being of chocolate that bred with a histrionic chicken that has an attachment disorder so we have to hide eggs or she will destroy them.

Happy Easter. :)


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