Monday, February 07, 2005

Somewhere around the world, someone would love to have my first world problems

My life is so hard! I mean, first, there’s all this food and warmth around. Like, okay, I get it, I’m full right now. Second, I’ve rarely had to work a hard day in my life. Well, there was that one time I was working 14 hour days, 6 days a week, going to the bathroom in a bag because the bathroom doors were padlocked… oh wait, that wasn’t me, but I read about it, and that was hard, so it’s sort of like it happened to me. (Crap! No one filled up the Brita, dammit! What the hell?)

In fact, things are so troubling that after a modest work week, I have to modify my brain chemistry and destroy parts of it just to have a good time. I find my easy life isn’t easy enough unless I drug myself and try to erase memories of its ease. Look, I know some people don’t have homes, but I really needed that 4th shooter. I mean, maybe if they just got a job instead of trying to fail, then they wouldn’t have to beg for money. Get some self-respect!

You know, it’s been like this as far back as I can remember. I think back to being a kid, both parents caring about me, and how sometimes there would be three TV shows on at the same time. But we only had one VCR, so I’d have to miss one. I hated that! Life’s rough, but you try to keep going.

Oh, and what is with those World Vision ads? Do they think we want to see this stuff? My roommates and I usually have a little competition to see who can change the channel first! It’s so fun! If you lose you have to take a drink. Of course, this one time, we were watching Survivor: Darfur, but we thought it was an ad! Omg! We all got blitzed that night! It was gr8! hahaha ;)

You know, I realize that some might think I don’t understand things, like I’ve heard some say things like, “Someone who is eating bread made out of rocks and grass would find your complaints laughable before they started crying, if they had the energy to do either.”
Well, I just have this to say: If things are so bad, why don’t they just move!?!? Duh! *eye-roll*

Look, here’s the thing, the socio-economic status that I hold in society is entirely due to all the hard work I’ve done. Me, OK? It has nothing to due with my family history, race, geographical location, opportunity or help from others. Why don’t all these poor people just take a long shower, put on some nice clothes, drive to the unemployment centre and get information to apply for jobs using their home computer. What? It’s not like the reviewers give that much weight to that little box that says ‘white.’


Anonymous Anonymous said...

I sometimes wonder why we haven't yet rounded up the homeless and used them for firewood...

6:26 PM  
Blogger Kristie Dukewich said...

Though provoking, Darren. Thought provoking...

But at what point am I allowed to be happy? When I complain, it's not in comparison to the third world, it's in comparison to me and my experience of the world.

Shall we all live in perpetual guilt? What do you want from me? What is it that I can do to live up to your ideals?

For the sake of clarity, me/I = Average North American.

And why would you want to burn the homeless? They would be much more useful if we fed them to Africa.

1:21 PM  

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